With less than one week left until I leave, I've been feeling quite a few conflicting emotions.
While I've certainly been smiling at random moments (generally accompanied by a squeal of "In X days I'll be in Costa Rica!"), I've also had my fair share of slight freak-outs. But I figure this is to be completely expected; with any new experience comes an array of emotion.
There are happy feelings:
-Yay, my gap year activities are finally starting.
-I can't wait to be on the beach.
-I'm so ready to become completely independent and leave everything I know behind- bring on the adventure!
-Thank god I'm not currently being thrust back into a school setting. Though I've heard college is quite awesome in many respects, I'm so glad I'm not having to study/do homework or be stuck in the regulated academia environment.
-While the weather is changing here (freezing-ness is cominnnggggg), I've got three more months of summer to look forward to....
Excitement for first-time activities, including:
-Being away from home for longer than a few weeks.
-Going to Costa Rica.
-Being completely self-dependent.
-Living with a host family.
And then, quite honestly, the excitement feelings quickly turn into nervousness:
-I'm going to a different country, where the main language is not English, and I will be ALL ALONE.
(At least at first.)
Yeah, that's the main one.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not regretting anything about what I've chosen to do this year. And while I have to admit that every single reason for excitement also brings me a tich of fear, I suppose the challenge is what makes what I'm doing all the more valuable and meaningful (in terms of self-growth, and whatnot).
It's crazy how I feel so prepared and ready to get out in the world, but then also feel woefully insignificant and young and naive and inexperienced when I think about how big the earth is.
And maybe I'm being slightly dramatic, since it's not like I leaving home with no plan, or that I'm never coming home. But this part of my gap year is definitely significant in my life as an independent human being and a traveler. It's how I'm choosing to jumpstart my adulthood.
I'm 18, and ready to take on the world. Or so I tell myself.